Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
