I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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