we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.