Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
