i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.