Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.

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  (850): I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did. http://tfl.nu/zdnh
  Replies (9) Good night (3569) Bad night (483)
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  (914): View more from New York

  i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same

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  (914): i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same http://tfl.nu/tcqj
  Replies (39) Good night (1041) Bad night (5502)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off

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  (304): Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off http://tfl.nu/t5im
  Replies (48) Good night (1811) Bad night (3555)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...

  (443): View more from Maryland

  that's spring break in florida for ya

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  (301): seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything... (443): that's spring break in florida for ya http://tfl.nu/f4zu
  Replies (10) Good night (2179) Bad night (2362)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...

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  (314): You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out... http://tfl.nu/a1pv
  Replies (7) Good night (6488) Bad night (1033)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.

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  (414): Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch. http://tfl.nu/js8y
  Replies (5) Good night (4667) Bad night (721)
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  (347): View more from New York

  his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.

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  (347): his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you. http://tfl.nu/crxb
  Replies (9) Good night (3303) Bad night (811)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.

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  (814): Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate. http://tfl.nu/j5ej
  Replies (10) Good night (1724) Bad night (614)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.

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  (248): my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose. http://tfl.nu/g7i9
  Replies (16) Good night (690) Bad night (2284)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge

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  (336): The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge http://tfl.nu/ygw7
  Replies (15) Good night (2831) Bad night (575)
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  (209): View more from California

  DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.

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  (209): DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now. http://tfl.nu/drmi
  Replies (4) Good night (666) Bad night (281)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.

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  (202): So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay. http://tfl.nu/ivx8
  Replies (4) Good night (816) Bad night (426)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Help everyone's hot

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot

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  (410): Help everyone's hot (410): Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot http://tfl.nu/8oap
  Replies (2) Good night (627) Bad night (233)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now

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  (513): Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now http://tfl.nu/xtrh
  Replies (2) Good night (583) Bad night (226)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary

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  (973): Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary http://tfl.nu/fd32
  Replies (1) Good night (537) Bad night (203)

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