1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
