Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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