I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
