Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
