i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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