the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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