Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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