is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
