i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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