Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
