Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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