Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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