i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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