Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
