everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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