Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
