Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
