Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
