I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
