insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
