I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
