I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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