i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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