K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
is that a dick in a sweater?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
