At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
