fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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