tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
