I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
