she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
