so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize