dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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