If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
