when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
