oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
