i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
