im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
