He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i love accidental penises.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
