ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
