Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
