i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
