Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hippo gnu deer
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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