I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
