respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
