I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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