you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
