His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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