im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
