We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
