Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
