the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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