So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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