You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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