Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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