dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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