He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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