i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
