Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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