Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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