well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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