I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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