I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
