I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
