I wish I only lived at night.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
