Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
