his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is the high leading the old right now
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
