I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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